He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
