good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
