Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
