Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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