hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
