Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
