I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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