how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize