had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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