Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
