I think I died a long time ago.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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