Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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