pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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