oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
