I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
they're like a gay fantastic four
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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