i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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