So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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