Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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