some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
