Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
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