dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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