It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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