Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
