sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
