did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
