ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
