i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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