Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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