I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
