she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
