Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
