I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
