Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
