Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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