The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
