He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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