i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
