that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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