Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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