This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
