i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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