I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you had me at cake vodka
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
