new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
