I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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