He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
