Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Oh god it's open bar.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
