I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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