Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need to wash the frat house off of me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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