So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
