So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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