just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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