Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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