Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
