he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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