I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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