im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
