shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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