I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You ate ashes out of my bong
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize