Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
